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Dec 5, 2011
yes i am but i am not

Hello,
Yes I am a Korean adoptee or an adopted korean or an overseas korean or whatever they are calling us these days. Politically correct way of labelling who I/we are is probably to be precise: a child who has been adopted into another country/family other than korea. Firstly I would like to say I am not korean and I have no affiliation or association or connection with Korea. I have nothing against Korea but I am Australian. I care about Australian history, I think that Sydney is the most beautiful city on earth and it is and always will be my home and favourite place. For all those of you out there who are feeling sorry for me and how little I know about my "roots" just don't. I'm sick of people asking me about my parents and my sister and then upon hearing my little adoption story say "ohh, I'm sorry". Well I'm not sorry. I am so happy, so grateful, so god dam lucky to be here and alive and healthy. I would not change one thing about my situation. I do not want to "find" my birth parents. Why would I want to find my birth parents when I have the greatest parents on earth. Why would I want to find my family, when my family is ALL I need in the entire world. Nothing will change that. I don't feel like I'm missing a part of me, I feel like I have so much more than 99% of people out there who arn't even adopted. I will always appreciate that I was not born from my mothers stomach but who's to say that being born from her heart is not EVEN BETTER.
Other than the fact we are not this little tiny detail called "blood related" our family is the most normal family ever. We fight, test, learn from each other. But our love is so strong nothing tears us apart, so tell me is that BLOOD RELATED enough for you.
My sister and I both share this opinion, are we the only adopted people to be perfectly happy with our lives? Are we the only fullfilled appreciative adopted siblings not at war with ourselves or with some deep set hatred boiling beneath the surface. Are we the only ones who count ourselves lucky to be adopted? Are we the only ones without some obvious emotional turmoil/disorder from our "TERRIBLE ORDEAL"????
I have a family, they are perfect. I am Australian, I am proud.
So go ruin someone elses life with your negativity and challenges to the facts because my view will not change and you won't make me feel like I don't belong exactly where I am.

x kat

Posted at 01:45 am by kattychan
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Oct 3, 2011
:(

In another life, I would be your girl we'd keep all our promises be us against the world. In another life I would make you stay, I wouldnt have to say you were the one that got away.

Posted at 02:41 am by kattychan
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Sep 24, 2011
when

I dreamed a dream in time gone by, when hope was high and life worth living. I dreamed that love would never die, I dreamed that god would be forgiving. But I was young and unafraid, and dreams were made and used and wasted. There was no ransom to be paid, no song unsung no wine untasted. But the tigers come at night, with their voice as soft as thunder. As they tear your hope apart, as they tear your dream to shame. He slept a summer by my side, he filled my days with endless wonder. He took my childhood in his stride, but he was gone when autumn came. And still I dream he'll come to me, and we will live the years together. But there are dreams that cannot be, and there are storms we cannot weather. I had a dream my life would be. So different from this hell I'm living, so different now to what it seemed. Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

Posted at 01:12 am by kattychan
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Sep 23, 2011
Im baaaack

now and then i think of when we were together like when you said you were so happy you could die told myself that you were right for me but felt so lonely in your company but that was love and its an ache that i will remember but you didnt have to cut me off make out like it never happened and that we were nothing and i dont even need your love but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough you didnt have to stoop so low have your friends collect your things and change your number guess i dont even need that though now your just somebody that i used to know now and then i think of all the times you screwed me over but had me feeling like it was always something that id done and i dont want to live that way reading into every word you say you said you could let it go but now your just soebody that i used to know :(

Posted at 12:48 am by kattychan
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May 3, 2011
harsh reality

I think I'm in shock, just plain shock.
Its a harsh reality when the person who you love tells you they dont care about you.

Only there for the good times,
Its easier to deal with you if I lead you on and pretend to care
I dont care
I dont care
I dont care



Posted at 01:36 am by kattychan
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love

I don't know how to love him.
What to do, how to move him.
I've been changed, yes really changed.
In these past few days, when I've seen myself,
I seem like someone else.
I don't know how to take this.
I don't see why he moves me.
He's a man. He's just a man.
And I've had so many men before,
In very many ways,
He's just one more.
Should I bring him down?
Should I scream and shout?
Should I speak of love,
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?
Don't you think it's rather funny,
I should be in this position.
I'm the one who's always been
So calm, so cool, no lover's fool,
Running every show.
He scares me so.
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?
Yet, if he said he loved me,
I'd be lost. I'd be frightened.
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope.
I'd turn my head. I'd back away.
I wouldn't want to know.
He scares me so.
I want him so.
I love him so.

Posted at 01:35 am by kattychan
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Apr 27, 2011
love

I don't know how to love him.
What to do, how to move him.
I've been changed, yes really changed.
In these past few days, when I've seen myself,
I seem like someone else.
I don't know how to take this.
I don't see why he moves me.
He's a man. He's just a man.
And I've had so many men before,
In very many ways,
He's just one more.
Should I bring him down?
Should I scream and shout?
Should I speak of love,
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?
Don't you think it's rather funny,
I should be in this position.
I'm the one who's always been
So calm, so cool, no lover's fool,
Running every show.
He scares me so.
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?
Yet, if he said he loved me,
I'd be lost. I'd be frightened.
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope.
I'd turn my head. I'd back away.
I wouldn't want to know.
He scares me so.
I want him so.
I love him so.


Posted at 05:52 pm by kattychan
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Mar 25, 2011
what can i do

it hurts when u say goodbye and walk away without giving me a backward glace, ur stride is purposeful and strong and excited like u just finished doing something u didnt really want to do but u had to. your off to have some fun and u dont mind at all leaving me behind, as far behind as u can.

Posted at 04:30 pm by kattychan
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Mar 19, 2011
i can grow and change but ur going to stay the same

You, with your words like knives
And swords and weapons that you use against me,
You, have knocked me off my feet again,
Got me feeling like Iím nothing.
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard
Calling me out when Iím wounded.
You, pickiní on the weaker man.

Well you can take me down,
With just one single blow.
But you donít know, what you donít know,

Someday, Iíll be living in a big old city,
And all youíre ever gonna be is mean.
Someday, Iíll be big enough so you canít hit me,
And all youíre ever gonna be is mean.
Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides,
And your widfire lies and your humiliation
You, have pointed out my flaws again,
As if I donít already see them.
I walk with my head down,
Trying to block you out cause Iíll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again.

I bet you got pushed around,
Somebody made you cold,
But the cycle ends right now,
You canít lead me down that road,
You donít know, what you donít know
Someday, Iíll be, living in a big old city,
And all youíre ever gonna be is mean.
Someday, Iíll be big enough so you canít hit me,
And all youíre ever gonna be is mean.
Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now in a bar,
Talking over a football game,
With that same big loud opinion but,
Nobodyís listening,
Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things,
Drunk and grumbling on about how I canít sing.

But all you are is mean,
All you are is mean.
And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life,
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

But someday, Iíll be, living in a big old city,
And all youíre ever gonna be is mean. Yeah,
Someday, Iíll be big enough so you canít hit me,
And all youíre ever gonna be is mean.
Why you gotta be so ?
Someday, Iíll be, living in a big old city,
And all youíre ever gonna be is mean. Yeah,
Someday, Iíll be big enough so you canít hit me,
And all youíre ever gonna be is mean.
Why you gotta be so mean?


Posted at 02:58 pm by kattychan
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Mar 3, 2011
who cares.

self destructive mode.

Posted at 11:09 pm by kattychan
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