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Dec 6, 2010
nup

You took your coat off and stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.
And I watched from my window,
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.
You're always the mysterious one with
Dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive
But too cool to care.
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather.

Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees, and...

These foolish games are tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart.

You're always brilliant in the morning,
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee.
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you.
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar.

You'd teach me of honest things,
Things that were daring, things that were clean.
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean.
I hid my soiled hands behind my back.
Somewhere along the line, I must've got
Off track with you.

Well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself.

These foolish games are tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart.

You took your coat off,
Stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.

Posted at 07:57 am by kattychan
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all of the tears

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me


These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

Posted at 07:48 am by kattychan
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Oct 2, 2010
:)

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Will she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

I was at the top and I was like I'm at the basement.
Number one spot and now she found her a replacement.
I swear now I can't take it, knowing somebody's got my baby.
And now you ain't around, baby I can't think.
Shoulda put it down. Shoulda got that ring.
Cuz I can still feel it in the air.
See her pretty face run my fingers through her hair.

My lover, my life. My shorty, my wife.
She left me, I'm tied.
Cuz I knew that it just ain't right.

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Will she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

When I be ridin man I swear I see her face at every turn.
Tryin to get my usher over, I can let it burn.
And I just hope she notice she the only one I yearn for.
Oh I miss her when will I learn?

Didn't give her all my love, I guess now I got my payback.
Now I'm in the club thinkin all about my baby.
Hey, she was so easy to love. But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough.

I'm goin through it every time that I'm alone.
And now i'm missin, wishin she'd pick up the phone.
But she made a decision that she wanted to move one.
Cuz I was wrong.

And I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Will she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.
I said, if you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Will she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

Posted at 02:09 pm by kattychan
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the night before the rest of your life

When faced once before with the night where guys decide they need guy time and go crazy, it wasnt at all like this. I know I have always had a thing with porn, strippers, massage parlours etc but it is not often you find these types of things in your life. When they do though their are many possible outcomes. I guess it just comes down to how well you know me. I would say above all else forgiveness is my worst worst worst flaw. Those who know me will know that I will forgive just about anything when treated the right way! From small things like missing my bday to anything up to landing me in hospital... believe me I have forgiven it all. How may you ask, does someone get me to forgive these sometimes unforgivable things well its easy apparently. I must admit I dont really know all the details of "how" myself but it usually starts with an extensive Im sorry and if that doesnt work then constantly calling me and messaging me usually breaks my reslove a little. If all that doesnt work then their is always the last resort which is something really expensive that no girl can say no to. I really dont know to be honest. I give out trust and forgiveness like there is no tomorrow.

But with you its all different, with you all I get is a "I'll see you when I see you". And it is true we have discussed this matter many times each time closer to the date and each time with me a little more hysterical. But to what avail?

None.
The only way I see us working out once again is if I once again step up to the plate and forgive, forget. The main question is what do you want exactly? You give up on me so easily. Although sometimes its easier to leave you have to choose to stay. 

The last words I am left with out of your mouth, this is the way you left me, Im not pretending, no hope, no love,  no happy ending.



Posted at 01:53 pm by kattychan
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Aug 5, 2010
i never thought, id die alone, i laughed the loudest whod have known

I cant do this anymore. I want to message him and say if he's not sure then why is he here. Why am I with someone who is not sure about me. Why is my life always full of uncertainty. For once Id like a little comfort from someone, I deserve to be happy with myself and feel like what I have I deserve, that I deserve the best from a guy not half an effort. Im worth something. I am. I know I try to make him happy there is proof everywhere. There is the list of dinner ideas on my desk over there, there is the canvas I bought you to practice with on the floor near my bed, there is the way my heart stop beating when I think that this time I might be the one to just break up. Once we break up there is no going back, no rufund no nothing, I want to be sure but I shouldnt even be thinking of this, there must be something majorly wrong. Im just sick of you turning your back on me.

What do I do.


Posted at 11:22 pm by kattychan
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Jul 28, 2010
you and I will be young forever

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Posted at 07:45 pm by kattychan
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Jul 4, 2010
:)

if there is a god u will kill me right now and save me all this pain. thankyou in advance

 


Posted at 02:50 am by kattychan
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Jun 19, 2010
fuck u?

I hate people who pretend to be good friends with me and send me messages like i miss you and i want to see you but put in zero effort. I appreciate those friends who dont pretend to be so close but are honest and call me when they can and message me when they think about it. They dont pretend to love me and be sorry because they arnt, I understand them much more and I appreciate what little they can do for me. What I dont appreciate is people like you who I have known forever but don't put in any effort and still pretend to be a good friend to me, treat others how you want to be treated. You arnt fooling anybody.

Posted at 02:15 pm by kattychan
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Jun 17, 2010
i want it back the way it was

Crawling in my skin These wounds, they will not heal Fear is how I fall Confusing what is real There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface Consuming/confusing This lack of self-control I fear is never ending Controlling/I can't seem To find myself again My walls are closing in (Without a sense of confidence, I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take) I've felt this way before So insecure Crawling in my skin These wounds, they will not heal Fear is how I fall Confusing what is real Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me Distracting/reacting Against my will I stand beside my own reflection It`s haunting how I can't seem... To find myself again My walls are closing in (Without a sense of confidence, I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take) I've felt this way before So insecure

Posted at 03:02 pm by kattychan
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i never thought


I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did, I did

And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot
I did

And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won
You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the skyline
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal's worse
Broken trust and broken hearts
I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love and words
Empty promises will wear
I know, I know

And know when all is gone
There is nothing to say
And if you're done with embarrassing me
On your own you can go ahead tell them

Posted at 10:20 am by kattychan
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